He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm getting married
To pizza
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
