But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
