Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize