I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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