she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
