I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
