I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
