So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize