Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
