life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
