The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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