we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
