found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
