i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
