What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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