you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize