..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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