she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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