I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
