I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
