My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
