He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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