So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
