Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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