If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
