and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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