my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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