this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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