I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
