I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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