all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
