Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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