i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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