I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In other news, I just burned my penis
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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