why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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