I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
