i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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