I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize