i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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