God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
