i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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