I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
