sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
