I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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