Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
