I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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