From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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