my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
