for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
