So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
