i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
