Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
