I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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