i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
