could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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