You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
