i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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