Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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