So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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