she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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