You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize