i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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