I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize