wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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