there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
