i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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