My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize