I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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