Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
FUCK WHALES
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