im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
