dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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