I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
