her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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