he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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